I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
