There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
