I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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