i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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