stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sexting was not on an AP level
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize