she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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