Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
