never play flip cup with pint glasses
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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