The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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