Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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