People with herpes should wear stickers.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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