Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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