we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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