i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
