I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
