Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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