Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
