the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
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Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
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The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Pooping to opera.
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