Don't you send me to vm
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize