Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I cannot find my penis.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
