I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
