My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
