I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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