There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
