Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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