I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
