Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
