i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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