I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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