I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
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OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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