So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
