That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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