some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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