hell yes lets make some ravioli
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
