This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
