Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
