All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
