I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
