And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
