how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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