He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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