She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
