I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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