when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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