Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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