you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
