she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize