She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
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Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
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I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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