she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
