i was born a porn star she said
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
