Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
