Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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