But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
