This girl is more easily done than said...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
