just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
