Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(845): View more from New York

If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope

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(904): View more from Florida

I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes

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(785): View more from Kansas

Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?

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