I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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