how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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