She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
