I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
