uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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