my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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