Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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