every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
