I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
